Insanity at it’s Best


Hi Amazing Peeps,

My positivity is being tested because My body has gone a bit Bonkers!

I’ve been talking in my sleep – seriously! Then my body wont let me eat normal things.

Firstly the nights.

I haven’t talked in my sleep since I was a kid but now it has been almost nightly.

I understand some of it. A lot has been about the younger kids being too close to the edge of the boat without their lifejackets on. Then they start to fall. Then I yell out to them, trying to grab them.

Poor Hubby has been woken with me leaning over him, yelling in his ear about the kids. Sometimes I am yelling so loud, I wake myself up but most times Hubby just grabs me and tells me I’m dreamimg.

This kind of dreaming is just my fears coming through, I get that. I know that the older ones can get their head above water and yell out, the younder 3 at this point can’t. Which is why we have the rule of lifejackets on deck – no exception.

The other dreaming is screaming about undoing a crutch strap so they don’t pee themselves. Seriously, I am dreaming about not getting them to pee their pants.

It’s so funny to here in the morning that I was screaming out for someone to undo their crutch strap on their lifejackets (the younder ones can’t do this on their own yet) and hurry up. This I don’t get. Why the hell am I dreaming about pee?

Luckily I haven’t woken the kids yet but can you image their confusion if they did. Here is me, reaching out to thin air, yelling out for someone to hurry up and undo it?

Imagine they wake up to this. I can see them think, “What? Who’s crutch strap? WHO’S WEARING THEIR LIFEJACKET TO BED? MUM’S GONE MAD!”

Monsters Inc. Movie

Do I have a fear of them wetting themselves? There has been so much pee in here over the last 9 months, it wouldn’t surprise me. We have an 8 year old that still wets occasionally at night and it has driven me Bonkers. Pee on a boat is horrible and STINKS! But screaming about it in my sleep is new.

Then there is the food.

I get up in the morning and I have no idea what I want to eat. My body just says “Eat something or I’ll vomit!” Fun.

So I eat raisin toast or museli (this morning I had raisin toast). My body then chucks a massive wobbly. “Why the hell did you give me that? ARE YOU TRYING TO POISON ME? You should of gave me what I wanted.” So naturally I respond with “What do you want then?” completely exasperated.

This is where my body gets really fun “I don’t know what I want. That’s for you to figure out. But because you have now given me something that I didn’t want, I am going to make you feel sick FOR THE REST OF THE DAY HA HA HA HA!”


I can’t win with this thing. It’s trial and error but mostly I’m hitting error constantly. It’s like that game where you throw a ball at the target and if you hit it, then the person falls in the water. But this is if I hit it, I feel sick all day and if I miss, I’m good. My aim is great!

I need to understand my body, it’s just changing constantly at the moment. So when I feel good with what I ate one day, I can do the same the next and I feel rotten.

It makes me fear food. Eating has become a gamble – ‘do I eat this or that? What if it backfires? If I don’t eat, I’ll be sick but what to eat?’ It’s a challenge.

A bit of meditation seems to help with my mood at least and that is good for everyone. A calm-ish Mum is better for everyone.

Enough ramblings for today.

Time to gamble once again


Zanny Harbars

Beccie is a Best Selling Author, a World Travelling Sailor, an Awesome Wife and the Best Mum to the 10 most Amazing Children on the Planet, a Millionaire, a Polyglot and an Oracle