I have to admit something to you all – I haven’t been truly honest with you. I believe it is about time I came clean on my real reasons for this blog.
I have an explanation about us in this blog but it is very simple and not quite accurate. 2015 was a very hard year for me personally. I felt as though my life had fallen apart. The best way to describe it is that the girl I thought I was died and a shell of what she was, was left and I had to try and figure out who the hell was that.
I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted other than to run away. That is where the first idea of travelling the world came from, it was me trying to run. I was of the mindset that I was going whether my Hubby wanted to come or not. I wanted to find the old me…..but she was gone. I did everything I could to find her and I thought that travelling to somewhere less developed, I would.
Then came the realization, it didn’t matter where I went or how far I travelled, I would find her because I had changed. That girl wasn’t coming back. I had a choice now – sit and mope about what was lost or make myself into what I wanted.
During my desperate times is where I found the book E-Squared and how I had control of myself. I absolutely needed this! I needed to see that I wasn’t just being led without any input, that this wasn’t my life. That I could make it whatever I wanted it to be.
I love my Husband and my kids and this isn’t a relationship I wanted to end but if I didn’t do something different, that was what was going to happen. So I started to discover myself, I started to look at the positives of everything. Don’t get my wrong, it is work but the more I look for the good, the more my mindset about the world around me changed. I started to see the happiness and the laughter, to smile and wave at people I didn’t know just because. To strike up conversations with strangers – which is huge for me who has been terrified to talk to strangers and would break out in the sweats and shake uncontrollable when forced to talk to others.
As the New Year ticked over last night, my Hubby said something to me that just made sense. He said ‘A New Start.’ To others that is a simple statement, but to me, at that moment really meant everything. I really have an opportunity for a fresh start, so why not do it.
This is my New Years resolution – To Forgive, To Forget and Be Happy! And I mean Truly Happy! We still want a boat to travel around in and to travel the World but now I REALLY WANT to do it with my whole family. I’m not trying to run away from the World or myself but to find myself in this vast World and I want to do that with my Love by my side and our children around us.
Last Year was truly hard but this Year will be a year to remember and a year I am so looking forward too.
Please join me on this adventure to discover myself, wherever that leads.
Thank you for your eyes, ears and understanding. I look forward to learning with you.